


Saving Hong Jisoo

by smilingjinan



Series: straw-very jam series | booseoksoo [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Boys' Love, BoyxBoy, HJS, JiHan, M/M, MalexMale, Soft Hong Jisoo, YJH - Freeform, Yoon Jeonghan - Freeform, YoonHong, carat, hong jisoo - Freeform, hongyoon - Freeform, svt - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-22 13:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13765488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilingjinan/pseuds/smilingjinan
Summary: Lonely was an understatement with how Jisoo felt.He was anxious, alone, angry, fed up with all the bullshits life throws at him and most importantly, he's on the verge of giving up.Almost. He was almost there, just a jump away and everything that makes his heart feel heavy, every problems that he was facing will end.But then came Jeonghan.Will he be able to save him?{ booseoksoo | straw-very jam series; book 01: jihan. }





	1. Almost

**Author's Note:**

> [!!!] Some of you might get triggered in this story, so if you think you can't very much control yourself, I suggest you do not read this.

_❝You know what’s sad? It’s knowing that people won’t realize how lonely you are inside until you kill yourself. And then they regret not doing anything about it.❞_

Almost. I was almost there.

Saying you want to die and that you’ll end your life is easy, but putting it into actions is hard.

I looked at the river under the bridge, inspecting if it was deep enough to drown me, or shallow enough to break my skull if I jump from here. Either way I’ll die, so I guess it hardly matter.

I can hear vehicles passing by the road—buses, mostly cars. People don’t seem to notice yet and I’m glad; I wasn’t someone to make a commotion in a public place.

But I’m about to.

I climbed over the metal parapet, teetering and feeling the tears run down my face as I heaved out a sigh, looking up into the sky.

I let out a chuckle, my back hand lifted onto my face to wipe my tears, though they weren’t stopping.

I must’ve gone crazy.

Life is funny, isn’t it? It’s a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes it will take you to the top, high enough to make an impact during your fall.

Life is unfair. But that’s how it goes to everyone; does that make it fair? All I know is that it gets worse and worse and worse.

I was about to jump when I noticed a man walking across the bridge, his eyes full of curiosity and gaze fixed on me as he stopped at my place, leaning over the metal parapet, beside me.

“I know life is hard; it’s how everyone perceives it. But don’t you think it’s the ups and downs life gives us that make us stronger?” he said, now looking at me, his arms folded to his chest and one of his eyebrows raised.

“I... I can’t do this anymore,” I answered, my voice small. My eyes felt hot, a sign that another set of tears were about to run down my eyes.

“I know you can.” he smiled at me as he stretched out his hand to take mine. “Life is tough, it’s true. But so are you. And let me tell you this, tough people last longer than the storm.” he smiled at me reassuringly, his thumb running through my palm.

“Everything is just too much to take. I don’t think I can handle this anymore, you know? I am so, so, so tired.” I admitted as I turned to look at the gray murky water, the urge to jump still there.

“The world isn’t all sunshines, rainbows and unicorns, it’s also storms and darkness; it will beat you down and break you to pieces—only if you let it.” he pushed the sleeve up to my elbow, revealing the cuts that I’ve hidden for long. He didn’t bother to hide how shocked he was, seeing his jaw drop and hearing him grasp for air.

It was my turn to look at him now. He was rubbing his hand through my wrist, scanning the cuts that were visible under the moonlight.

He tried to pull me down, but I refused. Instead, I sat down; my body was facing his but I kept my head low.

“Uhm.” I cleared my throat and it seemed to snap him back from his reverie. He removed his hand from my arm, his mouth still open and his eyes switching looks between my face and my wrist.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” he said in a soft tone, the hint of sincerity was there. “Can I ask, though? Since when did you...?”

“You mean these?” I pointed to the wounds in my wrist and continued. “Since I was fourteen, I think? I’m twenty-three now. And if you’ll ask me why I did and still do it... well... maybe because physical pain somehow eases the emotional ones.” I stated honestly. It was weird to say these things to a guy I barely know, but I couldn’t care less now. He was here, willing to lend his ears and I needed it.

“Does it make you happy?” he asked and added, “Seeing all these wounds, all these cuts... Does that satisfy you? Was this your first attempt to commit such thing?” he was speaking continuously and I can hear a tinge of sadness in his voice.

“It does and to answer your question, yes, it satisfies me.” I started. “I’d rather self-harm to keep my mind off the things that pains me. I’d rather self-harm because the pain, emotionally, is too much to bear.” my voice trailed off and for the nth time, I cried.

I guess crying is all that I can do.

“You didn’t answer my last question, though.”

My eyes locked with his for a moment before I began to respond. “This is my third time. First was when I graduated Junior High School; I was sixteen then. I tried overdosing myself with sleeping pills but I guess it wasn’t my time yet. They rushed me to the hospital and I survived, miraculously.” I paused for a moment to hold back the tears. “The second one was when I was in my sophomore year as a college student. That was two years ago. Everything was too much to take, and really, believe me when I say thoughts can kill. Do you know the feeling when no matter how much you try to surround yourself with positivity, you always crawl back to that one negative thought and your world starts to fall apart? That’s how it is.”

He licked his lips and pursed it after. The heavy atmosphere was now filled with silence and it was okay for me.

“You said this is your third time... Why?”

“I guess I just got tired of dealing with it. All the bullshits I’ve been through, I’m done with them.” I frowned, continuing. “It’s just that the people around me, no matter how much and how many times I tell myself it’s okay, you don’t live to please them anyway, I can’t help but try to live their expectations. And when I don’t meet them, I start to feel inadequate; as if what I did wasn’t enough and that maybe, I should give more because at the end of the day, all I think of myself is that I’m lacking.”

Another awkward silence. _I must’ve expressed myself way too much._

“You know,” he spoke out of the blue, killing the silence between us. “It’s not your fault that you can’t reach their standards, you know? So long as you’ve done your part and you know to yourself that you did your best, I think that’s what matters. Personally, I think that the only person whose standards you have to meet and exceed is yourself. Because above everyone else, you know yourself better. And since you know yourself better, you know your capabilities as well.” the way he said it was as though he had gone through the same thing. I guess he did.

After all, who wouldn’t wanna impress the people that you love? Who would wanna see them disappointed?

“Maybe...” was all I can say. I don’t know how and what to respond, his words hit hard.

I was trying so hard to make the people around me proud that I forgot about what makes me happy.

But then, I know I haven’t given my best as well. I could’ve performed better, I could’ve done way better.

I was demotivated. That was the case. _I was demotivated in the sense that everytime I drifted off to sleep, I wished I wouldn’t have to wake up._

“You are tougher, better and smarter than you think—than most people think. I hope you know that.” he told me as he pat my left hand, his other reaching for my right. He was pulling me near, then I found myself standing not on the metal parapet, but on the ground. “There is so much more to life than you’ll ever know. Give it a shot, this time, for real. When life gets tough, let yourself be tested. In the end, experiences are the best therapist.”

“Thank you... I’ll try. That’s kind of hard still, considering my situation, but I promise. I keep my words when I do.” I even raised my pinky finger in the air, waiting for him to lift his. I hold onto pinky promises as much as how childlike it may seem.

“You can talk to me anytime, alright? About anything, everything. Just hit me up. If you feel like you can’t take it anymore, I’ll be here to share the pain.”

“And I’ll do the same... what’s your name?” I asked, realizing that we’ve been talking for awhile now but haven’t introduced ourselves yet.

“It’s Jeonghan. You don’t have to introduce yourself. I know you, Hong Jisoo.” he let out a low laugh when my I curled my brow and my lips formed an ‘o’ in confusion.

“How...?” I was usually talkative, but right now, I’m running out of words.

“That’s my secret to keep and for you to find out.” he winked at me, his smile not leaving his face.

We talked about life and random things for awhile, just to keep me distracted from my thoughts and to let time pass. When it was time for us to bid each other good bye, I hurriedly grabbed him from his arms for a hug, whispering the words, “Thank you so much... You’re a big help, really.”

I went home and headed straight towards my bedroom. The first thing I checked was my phone; I needed to save Jeonghan’s number now that the memory’s still fresh.

But I guess I didn’t have to.

Because when I opened my phone, a text came from an unknown number. The message said:

_Hey, this is Jeonghan! Don’t ask me how I got your number, just find out. I’m guessing you’re shocked. Don’t be. Anyway, sleep tight. You can make things better tomorrow. Fighting, Joshu-ji! :)_


	2. Hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henlo, everyone. I accept suggestions and constructive criticisms.

_❝I’m drowning in the pool of misery and not even a life vest can save me.❞_

 

I was surprised to see a text message coming from Jeonghan when I opened my phone this morning. It said:

_Smile for me okay? A smile suits you better than a frown. I’m not saying that frowning suits you, though. I mean you get it right? You look more beautiful when you smile. :))_

I haven’t replied yet from his message yesterday. Not that I don’t feel like it, though. I just don’t know what to say. But maybe I’ll be replying to him later when I get home from school.

I was walking downstairs, rushing because I know I’ll be late again even though it’s not new at all since I always am—when I heard my someone shouting.

It was my father.

My father is, truthfully, a drunkard bastard. The money he earns from being a store manager—he spends them all in alcohol, cigarettes and his other vices. The trouble he gives us is more than the money my mother receives from him.

“Motherfucker! Why do you care? I can drink whenever I want. You hear me? I am the boss of this house! And as long as I’m the bread winner; as long as you’re living in my house, you’re not to say anything with whatever I do!” he shouted. He was waving his arms into the air and his knees were wobbling for drinking too much, he can’t even stand.

“I did everything for you. I’m still doing it and all that I ask of you is to please stop causing troubles!” she was usually strong and it was rare to see her cry, like now.

Her, crying, means that the strength she had been holding in for too long was slowly breaking and she needed to let out the pain that was building out inside.

“Ah, scary! Scary!” he scoffed. “You really think I’m afraid of you, woman? Think again!” he added, “Damn you! Damn all of you!” his voice were echoing in the whole house, even in the walls and ceiling. I can feel some people peeking through the gate to see what was happening, but that’s just it. They won’t offer any help, anyway.

“Fuck you!” mom shouted back, a hot path of tears threatening to roll down her face. “May I remind you that if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be stuck up in this house for how many years ‘til now. If it weren’t for your fucking pride, your fucking sister who promised she’ll give me a better work abroad than I have being a supervisor in the company I used to work on, I wouldn’t be here! Just here!”

I remember my mom telling me about how the bastard’s sister promised my mother would have a better work and a higher salary than what was paid to her, but when my mother had already resigned, my aunt said that the position was already taken. So long story short, they gave my mother false hopes. Not only that, they made our life miserable.

“Ah, yeah?” he wiped his mouth using the back of his right hand, the other placed on the desk beside him to support his balance. “Then leave! I won’t force you to stay, much more beg you. You want yourselves out here? Then go!” he started tossing things in the air. Whatever his hand touches, he throws it and destroys it, not caring about how much it costs or what the value of the thing is at all.

My mother stepped forward and they were now a few inches away from each other. I saw how she raised her hand up before it landed straight into my father’s face, leaving a red mark and an outline of her hand in his cheek.

What surprised me more than Jeonghan’s text earlier, though, was when my father wrapped his hand around my mother’s neck. She was choking and it was visible to see that she’s having a hard time breathing.

It pained me to see her like that. If there’s anyone I’m willing to live for, it’s her. I loved my mother more than I loved anyone in the world.

“Enough.” I said out loud, finally, making both my father and mother look at me, flabbergasted.

He put my mother down, and she took a few steps towards my direction, stopping just beside me. She was gripping my arm, aware that I’d be pushing my father down and strangle him any second now.

“Well, well, well...” the bastard clapped his hands as if he was a kid seeing a superhero in a movie. “Looks like you’ve got your own savior here, damsel in distress. Should I play my part of being a villain?” he chuckled, running his hand through his hair, his smile not leaving his lips.

“Don’t you feel embarrassed?” I asked him, my fists clenched to stop myself from punching the man in front of me, which happened to be my bastard father. “God! It’s what? 10:48 in the morning and you’ll come home, smelling like alcohol and was expecting my mother to tell you: hey baby, you smell of alcohol, but it’s okay, I’ll let you do whatever you wanna do because that’s how much I love you. That is just stupid.” I put emphasis on the last sentence.

“You ungrateful jerk—you don’t talk to your father like that, do you understand?” he sent his fist up in the air ‘til it met my face. I felt blood dripping on the corner of my lips but I didn’t mind.

“Father? Oh, yeah, sure. You’re my father because I wouldn’t be here in this world if it weren’t for you. But where were you when I needed one, though?” my voice was filled with sarcasm, which angered my father even more as I received another punch, this one even harder than the last one.

“I gave you food, shelter, clothing and everything you needed.” his jaw clenched as he continued, “If those weren’t enough for you, then I don’t know what is. But boy, you respect me. You’re still under me, so long as you’re still in this house. You got me?”

I curled my lip in repugnance. “Sorry to tell you, though. I don’t give respect for free. If you want it, earn it. As the saying goes, you reap what you sow.” my mother pinched my arm, making me turn my head to look at her. Her eyes were telling me to stop, but I don’t think I have the patience to let this pass. He was too much and I was rigid with fury.

“What a shame. Is this how your mother raised you to be?” he looked beside me and his eyes locked with my mother’s. “Didn’t you teach him some manners?”

My mother gulped and I saw the sad look in her eyes, so I interrupted. “She did. But she also taught me to fight when I know that what I am standing for is right. Plus, don’t you think I’m old enough to even know who deserves respect and to whom should I give it?”

I felt my mother hold my hand, a signal that I should shut my mouth already. I did.

“This is my last warning for you, kid. You respect me or you’ll find yourself lying on a pile of trash.” were his last words before he stormed out of the house, taking his wallet and car keys with him.

Still, the neighbors wouldn’t go. It was too obvious that they were there for th gossip, not because they cared about me, my mom or this family at all. That’s where people are good at, after all. Gossiping.

“Show’s over, okay? You can go now, ladies and gents!” I clapped my hand loud enough for them to pick up.

“Jisoo... Please, next time, don’t talk to your father like that. Please, honey, please...” her mother begged as she hugged him, gripping into the sides of his shirt tightly with her head buried in his chest.

“He doesn’t deserve to be respected, mom. You of all people should know that. He lost my respect for him the moment he did that to you.” I said through gritted teeth. I fought the tears back that were about to trail down, swallowing as I felt the lump in my throat forming.

“Don’t you ever talk about that, Jisoo.” there was authority in her voice. “There are still things you don’t know about and I think you should stop meddling with our issues. I’d rather put up with him than have you experience a broken family.” she freed herself from the embrace, turned her back on me to wipe her face, though her bloodshot red eyes said it all.

“Just tell me that you’re picking your husband over your own son.” I snorted in disgust. “I’d rather have a broken family than see you suffer because of him and his selfish acts.”

My mother slapped me after that.

“Don’t you ever tell me that because once you’re there, you’ll wish you never were. I grew up having a broken family, and I know how it feels, seeing other people with their fathers and mothers, while I only have one and I get teased about that. It sucks. And I would never want you to experience that.”

“I’d let myself be teased about not having a complete family than see my mother getting beaten up by my father. Plus, you call this family? Ironic. You know what, mom? Family, mother, father, brother, sister—if there isn’t any love existing between them, those will remain as labels. Just that,” I replied, fighting the urge to shout at my mother because she won’t listen to me everytime I voice out my feelings.

“Still, he’s your father. Not a thing would change that fact. And he is my husband. If you respect me, then do the same to him.”

“I don’t know, mom. After everything he’s done to you? To this family? He doesn’t deserve it. If he really wants me to respect him, let him do something for it. Let him make up for it. But you can’t tell me what to do, mom. Not anymore.” I headed towards the door, but stopped a few feet away when my mother grabbed me by the arm.

“I... I’m sorry, honey,” her voice was warm and soft. “Please... I know you understand. Or if not, you will, in time. I’m so sorry...”

“Your argument is invalid. Given that he’s my father because if it weren’t for him, I’ll be nothing, that’s only biologically. But where was he during the times when I needed a father; a real one? He wasn’t there. I don’tunderstand why you even stay with him. He’s filled with nothing but toxicity.”

“There are things you really won’t understand ‘til you get there. As of now, I think I’m doing the right thing. Remember what I told you when you were still a kid? You don’t know how it feels ‘til you put yourself in their shoes. That’s how it goes right now,” she stated a matter-of-factly. Still, I can’t help but feel as though she was favoring my father more than my feelings.

“I see. But stop protecting him. He didn’t even bother giving you any shame. Now how can you face people? I’m sorry but if he can’t respect you even a little bit, I can’t do the same to him,” I strutted out of the house, having only my phone and wallet with me. I don’t think I can make it to school today. Even if I can, I wouldn’t be able to focus.

My mother followed but stopped by the door, shouting. “Hong Jisoo! Where are you going? Don’t you have a class today?”

Still looking at the street I was walking in, I replied, “Somewhere. I need some fresh air and a time to think. I’ll skip school today.”

“Be back before 5:00 PM okay?” she reminded. I just waved my hand as a sign that I’ve heard her and that I’m already going.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, so I picked it up to see that there were 6 messages: 2 from Seokmin, 1 from Seungkwan, 1 from Hoshi and another 2 from Jeonghan.

I disregarded the texts from the three and opened Jeonghan’s.

The first text was sent at 10:17 AM, then the other was just probably 15 minutes ago.

_Hey. I haven’t seen you at school today. Are you coming later or will you skip class? If something’s up you can tell me._

_You free later? I can see you, just text me where. I’m worried. I asked Seokmin if you said anything to him, but he only said it’s weird bbecause you never go absent without telling them the reason. Let’s talk? :)_

I replied:

_Let’s meet at the back of the school. I could really use some chat right now. I’ll be there at 1:00 PM._

I looked at my watch to check the time. 12:24 PM. The drive to school takes about only twenty to thirty minutes, depending on the traffic.

I’m still infuriated. _Gods of Olympus, how can one be so selfish?_ If getting abused and being a fool for someone is love, then I don’t think I’ll be able to love someone.

As I reached the school, I strode with heavy steps to the back gate, hoping that Jeonghan was already there. My hopes didn’t fail me, as I saw him sitting there with his head down, fiddling his fingers, stomping his feet in a rhythm.

“Hi,” I said, which kind of startled him, based on the evident look in his face and with how he lifted his face up suddenly. “Uhm, thank you for coming...”

He gave me a sweet smile. “It’s no biggie, really. I’ll be glad to be of help anytime you’ll need me.” he pat the space beside him, gesturing that I should take a seat. “So... what happened?”

“Well, I was hurrying because I was late again. On my way downstairs, I heard my parents fighting. They always do... And it gets tiring, to be honest.” I started. “Have you ever experienced hiding inside your room at night, your hands covering your ears, your head kept high because it was the only way to stop the tears from falling down even though you know they won’t? Or telling your mother that the knife under your pillow was to protect you in case someone trespasses inside your house when the truth is you use it to cut your wrist every time you hear them fighting?” I looked at him and met his gaze, surprised to see that he meant it when he said he was willing to listen because he was there, all ears and all eyes while I was talking. It was kind of relieving, I can say. “That’s what I do, all the fucking time.”

“I see… well, I can’t say the same thing for myself because I never got to experience it. Not because my parents were in good terms, but because I grew up… without a father.” he shrugged. “Anyways, this isn’t about me. But let me tell you this: as someone who grew up with an incomplete family, don’t wish for a broken family. It’s hard and it will always be because you’ll grow up feeling envious of your classmates, or the people around you whose families are complete. But maybe you have your reasons, so I respect that…” he was trying to avoid my eye, I can tell, because he kept on brushing my hair when he didn’t have to.

“Maybe because I think they’d be better off without each other,” I told him, clenching my jaw, feeling the anger inside me rise once again. “I mean… why think twice when the person is toxic already and you know it isn’t healthy?”

He smiled at that. “Because people become a fool for love. They think it’s okay to stay, that things will still get better, so they are willing to give them as many chances as they need to finally achieve it.” he sighed after that and his lips formed into a pout. “Plus, there are lots of things about our parents that’s happened and we know nothing about it so maybe… it’d be okay to listen to them for once.”

It was my turn to shrug, shaking my head as I frowned. “Just… sometimes, I feel like I shouldn’t have been born, you know? I just think that I shouldn’t have been born because my mother would’ve had another choice then. She can still leave that asshole. She can still have the life she deserves. She can live better. She… she…” my eyes stung, and the tears that I’ve held back were now bursting like waterfalls flowing from my eyes and the walls that kept me strong for so long has its bricks falling apart─collapsing, just like how my world did.

“Don’t blame yourself. You’ve got nothing to do with it. It wasn’t your choice to be her child, just as it wasn’t hers to be your mother. Still, you have your choice now: be the person who will give you strength by being with her no matter what happens or be the person that lets her down? You might think that it would’ve been better if you weren’t birthed, but don’t you think it’s meant to happen? It’s like you were born to make her life better.”

“You always leave me speechless, don’t you know that?” I pursed my lips, trying to suppress the smile that was trying to come out of my lips. I feel like crying because I haven’t smiled genuinely for a long time. “Thank you… thank you so much. I know we barely know each other, but thank you for being here,”

“I don’t accept thank you. I want a hug!” he stretched his arms, a grin planted on his lips and his eyes forming into a crescent moon as he smiled.

Cutie. I wanted to say, but he might get awkward. So I wrapped my arms around his back, my chin resting in his left shoulder and my eyes closed as I sunk into the feeling of how his body felt warm against mine and how it gave me butterflies despite the heaviness that was present in my stomach earlier.

“You know, I don’t usually open up to someone... most especially to someone I barely know, but thank you. Like, a lot.” I whispered, feeling him press his body on mine tighter as he rubbed my arms.

“Anything for you, Joshu-ji.”


End file.
